the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize