hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
