Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
