I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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