Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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