I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
