dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
