i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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