I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
