My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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