Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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