so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
