This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Randomize