I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
