There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
