I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Randomize
