Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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