The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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