people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
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