I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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