you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
