My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize