i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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