I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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