so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
