whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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