i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
