shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I think people are normalizing furries
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
