it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize