There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
