would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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