he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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