i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
