just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
