I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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