its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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