Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
