Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
