You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
