Too much gin, very little bucket
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
