Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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