there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
