if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
