I just made out with a guy for $7.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
