I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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