What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
