I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
