hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
