dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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