If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
