he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
