where does the pee come out of this thing
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
