Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
