What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
