the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
