Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
