the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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