i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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