dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
