Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
