Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
