After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just invented taco cereal.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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