I only kidnapped one of them. chill
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
