I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
