He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
