but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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