4 words: hood of his car
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
