yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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