I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
